I am sitting in the hospital, watching my dear Bella play with buttons on her bed with a smile on her face like it’s a carnival ride, while waiting for her breakfast. (She is just fine and we are breaking out soon.) A few thoughts are floating around in my otherwise exhausted brain. I’m struck by the stark contrast of where my week began and where it ended up. If you would have asked me on Monday, or any day in the last month, if I could spare a minute or two I would have had a panicked look on my face. I am scavenging for minutes and running a deficit, so my answer would have been a confident, “No.” I have no time to spare. My sister is moving out of the country next week, I am working full time on renovating a flip, and I am managing a household to top it off. It’s nothing more than every other mother experiences from time to time. The details may be different, but the self-inflicted expectations are still the same. No room for the unexpected.

Well that’s just about the time the unexpected shows up in full force. A scrape on an elbow turns into three days in the hospital with IV antibiotics. Nothing serious, but just enough to force me to make a choice, embrace or reject the opportunity that was laid before me. Stress out about the lost opportunities to check off my to-do list and try my best to accomplish as much as I could, while occasionally looking up from behind the computer; or embrace the chance God has given me to rest, reflect, and make up for some of the moments I have missed with my daughter recently.

This time I chose the latter, which is not my tendency AT ALL, and I can say with certainty I don’t regret it one bit. I really can’t even say that I chose it: when we got here my phone had died, I had no computer and I had no choice. But again God in his perfect plan knows me so well that he knew I needed the extra kick in the pants to point me in the right direction.

Well, that direction led to a few days of coloring, Olympic watching, sharing a bed, I-spy, more kid-snippets on YouTube than even I can handle (because they are awesome), and more conversations than I would have had in the next month with my girl, I am sad to say. But what it did most was make me remember that my kids don’t need a mom that moves them down the list. It’s ok to have a list and they don’t need to be, and shouldn’t be, the only thing on it. But when they start to get shuffled to the bottom they suffer. How many times have you heard someone older and wiser say, “They grow up in the blink of an eye,” or “Enjoy this, because when its gone you are going to want it back,” and you are sure, at times, that you will not. These phrases are used so often they are almost meaningless, but their excessive use should really do the opposite, and remind us of a few things. First, find comfort in the fact you are not the only one who has made the mistake of choosing something else over your children that maybe you shouldn’t have. But secondly, and I argue most importantly, let these adages be a reminder that it’s ok to put everything on the back burner to give your children the attention they need. NEED.

If I haven’t persuaded you completely, and you find yourself in one of those crazy times of life where you think minutes cannot be spared, just stop for a few minutes, look your child in the eye and ask her a question about something she enjoys, something about her day, or play a five minute game of I-spy and watch the smile that grows on her face. That smile is the fuel she needs to assure her that the next time you need to tell her to hold on a minute, you really will be right back.

Now if you will excuse me my daughter has finished her breakfast and I have to get my hair done by a world class stylist. (And I am not going to take the time to edit this so feel free to judge my grammar, long sentences and punctuation.) 😉

In ‘A Gospel Primer‘ Milton Vincent writes “the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them” Notice he doesn’t say that it gives me permission to be released from my responsibility, or do what’s best for me, or what makes me feel better. Scripture is not filled with “ways out”, rather it is filled with “ways in” to Christ in light of the fallen world we live in. Vincent also goes on to say ‘The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and to do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ” while also referencing some powerful scripture (see the end of this post).

.

What trial are you experiencing right now? Can you say that it is drawing you closer to Christ and that Christ is being glorified by your response? I don’t know about you but for me this is hard. VERY HARD. My flesh wants to constantly remind me of my rights, and my emotions play games with my heart and mind. I soon forget my standing as a child of God, and I quickly put up my guard ready to defend what I think is fair and reasonable. I forget that God has a plan to use the situation for His glory and I need to seek Him first before I add insult to injury. It is hard because, more times than none, what I need to do is the exact opposite of what I want to do. It usually involves me putting aside ALL of my pride, remembering who I really am in Him and what he has done for me, and then, as if that wasn’t hard enough, having to view the other person in the situation the same way. I know I’m talking about difficult situations here, but for the most part you could substitute the word trial for any type of situation –positive or negative– and ask yourself some of these exact same questions.

.

When I think about this level of abasement there is one woman who comes to mind. She is one of the most humble and loving persons I know. There was a time in her life where she was wronged over and over by the same offence and by the same offender. Every time she was able to separate the sin from the sinner, a cliche phrase for sure but in this circumstance it fits. She continued to walk in love and forgiveness even though the offence had the potential to cut to the very core of who she aspired to be. She saw herself through the eyes of Christ and sourced all of her value and purpose through the fact that she was a daughter of the King! She saw herself as lowly and sin stained and unworthy of this title. The love that grew in her heart for her Savior, the one she offended, overflowed to the one who offended her. The benefit of the position she took put the attention on the deep issues that needed to be worked through, and her response protected many other people who stood to incur the pain as a result. In essence, she sacrificed her rights to give God room to show His glory and put to shame the way the world told her to turn, and He did in big ways! And, He’s not done yet.

.

When I reflect on her response I hang my head in shame because I have done the complete opposite in far less egregious situations. Thankfully, and only by Gods grace, there are times I have not. There is one consistent theme that runs through either response. It is the view I have of myself. I have either elevated myself and my rights above all other factors (and hurt people in the process) or I have remembered who I am in light of Christ and his work in my life, and God was immensely glorified and I was richly blessed (and humbled).  BUT HOW? This is one of those blog posts you read and walk away from saying, well sure, that sounds ideal but I just have no idea where to start. And frankly who does? Sometimes we are knee deep before realizing we are in the mud, and then pride sets in and keeps us stuck. Here is the most simple answer that took me a long time to realize:

Preach the gospel to yourself every day.

It almost seems too simple, but it’s so powerful. Just think of it this way, if the gospel has the power to completely change the trajectory of your life then it definitely has the power to influence your outlook and response to your circumstances and trials. Practically speaking the book I mentioned is a great place to start. It has been a daily companion for me lately, and I love reading some of the sections over and over. It has brought the power of the gospel to life for me, and it has caused me to realize, even more, that I will need its power in my life until the day my eyes are finally set upon my Savior. Oh what a precious and humbling day that will be! However, until that day I will continue to wrestle daily between my flesh and the Spirit of God who thankfully never gives up on me.

.

.

Here are the scriptures mentioned above:

The curse of Pinterest is real ladies! And it is out to steal your family’s joy. 

If you don’t read anything else take note of this snip-it of advice: DO NOT search your child’s birthday theme for the first time on Pinterest the night before the party. You know why? MOM GUILT, that’s why!

My child is so excited about her small little birthday party with her classmates tomorrow night. She is thrilled to take them to her favorite arcade and have them experience half-off night like the ones her dad takes her and her siblings to if they worked hard on something to earn the coveted outing. And lets be honest, I am pretty thrilled to take them on half-off night too. Half off food and games? I am in!

Her idea of an amazing party included a pile of donuts with candles on top and a donut for each kid to take home. That’s it, no gift bags, no treat table where everything served lookes like a donut (think cups of Cheerios aptly labeled ‘donut seeds’), no special order balloons from England shaped like donuts. Nothing except, gasp… real donuts. 

But then it happened, I thought maybe I could make it just a little more special and come up with one more idea for her donut themed arcade party that she had been dreaming of for months. A dream mind you, that never changed shape or gave the slightest thought to the kids giving the party a grade. It simply consisted of one girl bubbling over with excitement to share something with her friends that was special to her. 

Enter Pinterest. 

With in seconds I went from mom of the year for taking her to a real bakery to taste test donuts last week to the most pitiful party planner of all time! What would the other kids think if they didn’t have an entire dessert table to choose from? Oh. My. Goodness. Look at that homemade banner with real donut sprinkles on it! Wait! I don’t have a banner! (scrolling, scrolling) CENTERPIECES!!!! I forgot centerpieces!!! (scrolling, scrolling) Look at that room and how it is decorated….UGH! I should have paid the extra $100 to have a private room so I could have decorated it to make it a REAL party. What if the kids tell her this is the lamest party ever because, for goodness sake, they only hung out and ate donuts! I should just cancel and start over so I can throw her a party she will be proud of. 

And then it hit me as quick as the guilt had set it. She planned her own party. She is already proud. So who am I really trying to please here? 

I hit that X in the corner before I could think twice. Before I almost gave my day away tomorrow to something that will cause me an undue amount of stress and probably make me an angry frustrated mother for the hour leading up the party because “there just is never enough time and nobody is cooperating!”. I almost ruined the party because I wanted to make it “better”. 

What is better anyways? I know this, we live in a crazy world where, for some, proving your worth means scanning the perfect pictures, of perfect parties, so we can plan a MORE perfect party. But we convince ourselves that it’s all worth it because our families MORE than appreciate all the time and effort it takes… don’t they? And I am sure your family LOVES to eat at the coffee table for a week as much as my family does because the kitchen table turned into a Joanns explosion, am I right? No? Really, are you sure? Because my kids totally understand when I am super stressed and yelling at them to move faster because I have stuff to do… for THEM! They just instantly turn into little party planning elves to cut perfect circles and clean up the kitchen for me after I make them the perfect donut shaped cake because, duh, a real donut is just way too predictable! SAID NO MOTHER EVER!

What we neglect to recognize is that, at times, those perfect pictures of those perfect parties represent precious time lost planning the ‘perfect party’ with a child who just wanted donuts, real donuts. 

This isn’t just about parties. This is about a mindset we have shackled ourselves to that demands the measuring stick of our success is a picture on Instagram or Pinterest. A picture, mind you, that someone picked out of the 500 they actually took to get just the right shot. It’s about the guilt we feel when we look at these pictures and question why we can’t have ‘that life’. We imagine the woman’s kids all tucked perfectly into their beds at 7:30 pm in Hannah Anderson pajamas under sheets that match the quilt that matches the pillows that match the paint on the walls of her picture perfect house. Oh my gosh, I bet her kids even remember to brush their teeth…EVERYDAY! And we are sure she is so organized and has so much time on her hands that her family never eats the same meal twice in one month. 

Can we do each other a favor? Can we agree to spend more time on things that really matter this year? Can we spend more time taste testing the donuts with our kids and making more memories that will bring a smile to their faces when we are old and they are at our bedside holding our hands while we work to take our last breaths? 

I am not condemning creativity and order. If you know me at all you know how much I love to throw a fun party, design a house, or cook all day. (you also know there is not much order) 😉 What I am challenging us to think about, myself included, is the cost incurred to claim our own piece of that Pinterest pie. Decorate the house, just don’t make it a museum of your favorite instagram posts where your kids are not free to make messy memories. Plan the party! Just don’t leave out the kid who the party is really for in the first place. They would much rather have a say in it than get yelled at because they are in the way. And who knows maybe they will really want a banner! However be prepared, they might actually want to help you cut it out too. Can you handle that?

All week the second half of Proverbs 31:25 has raced through my mind, “She laughs at the days to come”. I pictured this woman laughing over and over, some times a belly laugh, sometimes with a smirk. But none of my imaginations of this woman feel like intended implication of the verse except for one. In this one the woman sees the circumstances she finds herself in and takes a deep breath, closes her eyes a little longer than a blink and releases one confident chuckle. It is not out of arrogance or self confidence that she laughs, but of humility that comes from having learned, likely slowly, that her life is not in her hands. There is a ting of pain in her laugh that only comes after experiencing the sovereignty of God in an agonizing situation. She knows the outcome of her current circumstances does not depend on herself because she serves a God who’s plan out perfects hers, who’s purpose for her life is deeper than she can imagine, and who’s love covers her flaws and missteps along the way. She laughs because she knows the end of the story is one of victory and for her part all she has to do is rest. Resting is not an easy task. For this woman it may be the most difficult order she has ever been given. If you read the rest of this passage you might get the impression that she is a self made woman and her abilities and accomplishments are far beyond what you or I could dream of. But then down in verse 30 we see the true key to who this woman has become. It simply says she is a woman who fears the Lord. I want to fear the Lord like this! I want to know him so well that every moment of every day is ordained by Him, that every fear and worry and anxious thought gets swallowed up in the confidence of who He is! I want to rest… Yet, I find myself again, and again, and again: failing, forgetting, worrying, controlling, stressing. At some point in this cycle, when I slow down to try and catch my breath I begin to hear that steady, consistent, confident voice of the Savior calling my name and reminding me that He will carry the burden for me and that He is trustworthy and able. I am reminded of who He is, what he has done, what He is doing, and what he has promised. It is then and only then I remember to let go of my grip, humbly laugh and again begin to rest.